Dungeons and Dragons: A Drunken Rant!

Its been a while since I last posted anything. This is mostly about 5e D&D.

Fuck you Tolkienesque races! While I know they are iconic to D&D, I'm not obligated to run a Middle Earth setting, nor am I obligated to have them in my setting. Also, holy hell! Every new fantasy RPG have some flavor of Elf, Dwarf and Halfling, and worst have a ton of variation of them. Each and everyone of one of them are one bland stereotype after another! If your setting has five or more versions of "Elf" (or equivalent) your setting... is... shit!

Tonally, my fantasy setting are a mix of Conan- and Elric-styled Sword & Sorcery with Sword & Saddles, so humans are predominant. Non-human people are rare and are generally alien in thinking. The one exception I make are dark elves. Namely, a Drow-like race modeled on Elric of Melniboné. A degenerate race of pale, amoral sorcerers and slavers who once controlled the world but are now dying off. But don’t call them "elves" as they are not fay. Gnomes are small rock-people. Dwarves, elves and fairies are of old folklore and are scary, amoral supernatural freaks of nature.

Fuck you Paladin! You white-knight motherfucker! I never liked alignment and you are inescapably tied to it! The only good thing Wizards did with you is brake you from your Lawful Good restriction. But I never liked you! The way you have to be moralistic ALL THE FUCKING TIME! I hate your divine power of abject goodytwoshoeness! Fuck, I remember when you could not get ANY disease. Could you even shit back in the 2e era? Did you fart lavender? If your 'lay-on-hand' could heal wounds, what would a healing handjob do? I have no time to fuck around with your Born Again bullshit! I would not mind you so much back in the 3e day, but you were a core class. There is a problem with that: You were meant to be a 'sub-class' of Fighter. Well, more like an enchanted Fighter with a lot of powerful options with the restrictions that comes with it. If you fail to live up to your mile-high standards, you loose your abilities and become a basic-bitch Fighter, and must redeem yourself to become a Paladin again. If anything, you should have been a Prestige Class of fighter. That is, you must work for it and work to keep it!

But still, you were never a tonal-fit for my settings. Fuck your Camelot bullshit! Fuck off!

Fuck you Ranger! You never made sense. What the fuck are you? When I think "Ranger", I think of a rugged frontiersmen like Daniel Boone or David Crockett, or a feral child like Tarzan or Dar from The Beastmaster. So where do all the spell-casting comes from? Is there a Wizarding School in the jungle? "Me Tarzan of House Muffleduff." Fuck that noise! Also, why are Rangers so much better at survival than Barbarians? Barbarians are native people deeply connected to the untamed land they families hailed from. Rangers (the non-feral types) are colonizers from civilized stock. What white-savor bullshit is this?

I have no issue with Rangers being in the game, but they need to be a Fighter archetype with scaled down abilities, they get no animal companion, and THEY CANNOT CAST SPELLS!

Fuck you Barbarian! No wait. You are not a Barbarian: You are a fucking Berserker! All you can do is scream and murder shit with a big-ass axe. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love to murder shit with a big-ass axe. My crawlspaces are a testament to this pastime. My issue with the "Barbarian" Berserker class is that is you ONLY fucking option! Natural survivalist? No, that is for colonists. Having a cool animal side companion like in a Frank Frazetta painting? No, that is also for the colonists. The ability to kick ass without a big-ass axe? Ask the DM if feats are used and take Tavern Brawler, if not, you are usless without a weapon like a basic-bitch Fighter. Can I use raw animal magnetism on those I want to fuck? Wait what? You know, the ability to use Strength for Charisma tests based on physical sex-appeal? HA-HA-HA-HA... no, you silly fuckboy! Do I get any good archetypes? Fuck no! Can I do anything beyond Rage? NO, you fucking dipshit! That is all you can do! You are a fucking hammer and EVERY MOTHER-FUCKER AROUND YOU IS A FUCKING NAIL!!!

My Barbarian is a masterful brawler and survivalist. While they can do a lot of damage with a big-ass axe, they are not formally trained in weapon combat, so they relay on improvised combat. They deadly with anything they can get their hands on, be it with a crude wooden club, a bar stool or some rando's body. Berserker is a class option, but so is Beastmaster.

Fuck off Cleric! I don’t need you. You don’t mach the tone of my setting.

I rather use Magic-Users in your place. "Behold! I'm a Priest of the Pit Lord. I'm a Cleric, but mechanically, I'm a Wizard with the same list of spells! I will summon the guard as I'm not good at fighting and only have a fancy staff to defend myself with."

Fuck you Vancian spell-casting! I mean, Dying Earth is a fine novel, but I don’t want to base the magic of my settings on this. I rather roll to see if one could cast a spell. I prefer magic to be tonally eerie and lacking in utility. Magic missile, shield or floating disc? Nope. Read minds or know alignment? Nope. Powerful-but-dangerous demon-bound-sword in place of generic magical +X sword? Yes! More of this, please. Nasty curses, corpse-fucking necromancy, the summoning and wording of demons and spirits, haruspicy, drawn out rituals, transformation on the level of An American Werewolf in London, catastrophic miss-casting that results in wide-spread disaster, wizards that come off like serial killers? OH... HELL... YEAH!!! fap fap fap fap fap

Fuck you Bard! You don’t need to be the only social-focused class! While I have no issue that you need to seduce every dragon you encounter (any jackass can do it; see Shrek), you don't have to monopolize the act of putting your dick into anything, or anyone! Speaking of which...

I do like the option of having a specialized from of Rogue that is Charisma-based, and with skilled tied to seduction, manipulation and prestidigitation. Over the years I have see names like Houri, Courtesan, Temptress/Tempters, Charlatan and Mountebank, but they all play the same, and they need not be exclusively gendered. The best ones have a "secret art", such a spycraft, court politics or witchcraft. Yes, they fuck their way to success and play dangerous games with powerful people but this is the sort of Games of Thrones bullshit that I really like!

I do like Bards, but I want to take them beyond a simple Troubadour or Skald. I have seen a class from Crimson Blades II called the Griot with a number of cool features, like the King's Ear and the use of witchcraft to secretly "supplement" their knowledge-gathering.

Fuck off Monks! I don’t need you! Or at least, not the Shaolin Kung-Fu Monks. D&D is SOOOO focused on armed combat, they don’t know how to make characters kick-ass without weapons and armor! Its the same issue I have with the Barbarian. Imagine an acrobatic-fighter parkouring their way around the battleground, dodging blows and tripping-up fighters. That is the kinetic action I want to see in D&D combat, but I don’t care about Shaolin Monks as there are a lot of spirituality tied to this archetype that I don’t want to get players bogged down with. More over, beyond personal goals, characters need materialism as a default driving force for adventure.

One thing I have been working on is a class of acrobatic-fighter who are former slaves who use dance and acrobatics to hide their combat training in order to revolt. Without a cruel masters to fight, they are free-agents trying to make a living or find a new cause to fight for.

Fuck you Warlocks! I actually like you, but I'm on a fucking roll. If I can change one thing about you, it to make you less optimized towards Eldritch Blast.

And finally...

Fuck you janky-ass combat system! As you gain level, on top of gaining new class abilities, you take more damage, can hit better and can better avoid unusual effects though saves. But at the same time, your damage output and ability to avoid mundane attacks remains the same unless you get some feat or class feature. Fuck that noise! The static damage thing is a long standing thing. What is the point of Hit Dice if they are not used for the amount of dice you rolling combat? Imagine who quickly combat would be if a 9th level Fighter can take down an adult green dragon with 9d8 of a sword attack! Imagine that vary Fighter forgoing bulky-ass metal armor for a sexy chainmail bikini or metal cod piece due to high Dex and dodge bonuses!

Oh wait! You are that pedantic fuck who like to go online and bitch about how unrealistic "boob-plate" is or why Dragonborn women should not have big fat mommy-milkers! FUCK YOU! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY TABLE! I'M HERE TO HAVE FUN AND YOU ARE A FUCKING JOYKILL!!!

The Star Warriors Setting

Some time ago, on a Blog not too far away...

[plays loud orchestral music]

Years ago on the Blog From the Sorcerer's Skull, the owner "Tray" came up with a neat little pulp space setting that takes place in the far-off Azuran System called The Star Warriors.

At first it comes off as just another Star Wars-inspired setting with an evil regime (the Authority), a battle between an order of heroic mystic space knights (the Star Knights) verses an order of evil occult space sorcerers (the Dark Star Warriors) with a supernatural element that is the source light and dark magic (The Enigma Source and Anti-Source), and with some wild west added for flavoring. But when you really look at it, it was inspired by the Vega star system from the Green Lantern comics and the Micronauts' Homeworld from the Marvel comic, as well as a number of obscure '80s toy lines, like the Lords of Light, Power Lords, BraveStarr, etc. (The 1980s was a sea of obscure cartoons and toy lines.)

 

(Although, it should be said that after Star Wars cough lightning in a bottle, just about everyone wanted to create "the next Star Wars", so the '80s was full of wannabe Star Wars films. And the cartoon-toy craze of the 1980s was due to the successes of Star Wars mechanizing.)

At first, I tried to come up with comprehensive background details on history, customs, costumes, military ranks, etc., as well as stock NPCs both good and bad, but it quickly occurred to me that it was too much detail for a sandbox. Having a good foundation is fine, but I still want the setting to be open-ended enough to make it malleable, without binding myself into a straitjacket. Nor do I want to front-load a butch of powerful NPC heroes to steal the player-character's thunder. After all, if the setting already has powerful heroes in play, what is the point of the player character.

That is the charm about the setting. Even with how fantastic the Star Wars setting is, the glut of background information ("canon" and "legends"), as well as the limitations placed in the well-established setting, makes it hard to run as a role-playing setting. The Star Warriors is a rough outline fresh for adventure and individual world-building. I take whats there and add my own flavoring to the stew, in service to my own games. I see this setting as a place where you'll find 17th century pirates as space-pirates in rocketships; Barsoomian-like people going through space in elegant Spelljammer-like ships; space gypsies; space-elves that look like the nymphish woman in an old Leiji Matsumoto anime; a backwater barbarian hero who is applying his/herself as a great space adventurer; and so on and so forth. Pure kitchen-sink fantasy... IN SPACE!!!

You can find more info about the setting here, here, here, here and here.

Here are my ideas:

NEW ORGANIZATIONS

THE CONSORTIUM
This large, powerful corporate conglomerate is the Authority's principle ship and weapon manufacturer. Both entities believes that they are more pivotal to the stability of the Azuran system than the other, buy they are so inescapably codependent off one another that nether side can get control of the other without undoing them both. But that does not stop the scheming and power-plays. The corporate leaders live apart from the common people; in the an orbiting space station above Omicron, the Sky Follower — once a splendid garden park open for anyone to enjoy.

AUTHORITY ENFORCERS
Enforcers form the backbone of the Authority. Covered in black armored spacesuits and armed with lethal weapons and training, Authority Enforcers are fanatically loyal to Authority High Command. They are soldiers who also serve as law enforcement. The most elite become the infamous Night Watch Enforcers — the Authority's covert commandos and secret police. Good citizens of the Azuran System would be wise to not cross Enforcers as the Authority does not tolerate dissension!

FREEDOM FIGHTERS
Although treated as a monolithic terrorist organization by the Authority, Freedom Fighters are individual insurgence groups with their own leadership, goals and... methods. They range from small bands of scrappy rebellious youth, to well-armed fleets ships and guerrilla fighters; from noble renegade Star Knights, to heartless desperadoes. Without a great leader to unite them, each group bravely and desperately fights a hopeless battle to brake the iron grip of the evil Authority.

ELYSIA'S RESISTANCE FLEET
Formed form the survivors of the conquest of Elysia by the Authority, they form a scrappy but well-disciplined and well-armed fleet. They have a good number of warships and fighters, and with the right planing and strategy, could take down an Authority's armada head on, but with limited resources, it would be a pyrrhic victory at best. They lack dedicated troops and are dependent on allies for ground battles. When confronted with Authority Enforcers, all they have are technicians and pilots with sidearms.

THE WAYFARERS
Travailing in old but well-decorated rocketships, these spacerborne free-spirited vagabonds are a mix of tramp traders, grifters, entertainers and mystics. They are not trusted by civilized people and the Authority see them all with suspect. People seek them out for their fortunetelling abilities, to acquire rare and exotic (and often illicit) goods, or to take in their exotic performances. Their strange music and dance are said to induce an unearthly ecstasy! Whilst there are those who want them to settle down, the wild heart of a Wayfarer will never allow it.

SPACE PIRATES
In the chaotic reaches of the Azuran system, space bandits pray on helpless merchant ships and passenger liners. Pirates are feared through out the Azuran System! A few Captains are bold enough to dare strike Authority supply convoys. Vary few pirates are noble, as most are just in it for wealth. Although seen as nothing more than a fairy tale by hopeful youth, there is a legend of a roguish Space Pirate Captain who is driven by revenge and justice to defeat the Authority.

THE BLACK STAR PIRATES
The most infamous Space Piratefleet in the whole Azuran system! Their brutality is the stuff of legends and nightmares! While most Space Pirates would keep prisoners for the sake of slavers and ransoms, they have been known to kill off whole ships of crew and passengers, including on luxury ships full of rich passengers, from time-to-time as a stark reminder to the Azuran System that they are a force not to be reckoned with. As they have a robust trading center for slaves and stolen goods at the well-guarded space fortress on Skull Rock, they are the most well-equipped pirate fleet in the Azuran system. The bounty on an individual Black Star Pirate Ship is enough to buy a small moon!

NEW WORLDS

Omicron: The Industrial Planet
This ancient planet is covered in layers of urban expansion. Once the economic center of the Azuran system, the collapses of the Solar Alliance brought an era of warring corporate feudal states within Omicron that help gave rise to the Authority that filled the power vacuum left by the Alliance. Through the Authority, the corporations coalesced into a single corporate entity: The Consortium. The upper-levels are made up of Consortium-controlled businesses, while the mid-levels are made up of Consortium-controlled communities, both enforced with a heavy hand by Authority peacekeepers. The lower-levels are a lawless den of scum and villainy out of the reach of the Authority. It is infamous for bing the birthplace of the system's worst criminals, bounty hunters and guerilla fighters. But much of the population of the lower-levels are just poor, desperate people. The people of this world are historically hardworking, industrious and practical in nature. Before the collapses of the Solar Alliance they were also a fairly easy-going and philanthropic people, but now they are cynical and aggressively militant. The whole planet is a powder-keg of political and economic discontentment, just waiting for the Authority to loosen their iron grasp on Omicron.

(This world is located at the one of the unnamed planets near Authority Prime, Elysia and Computronia; see first link above for system map)

Skull Rock: The Space Pirate Hideout
The notorious Skull Rock is the hidden base of the dread Black Star Pirates. It is a large hollow asteroid within The Outer Belt. Time and time again, attempts to destroy Skull Rock ended horribly for Authority fleets thanks in large part for the dangers of navigating The Outer Belt, as well as the ambush tactics deployed by the pirates. Smugglers, slave merchants and Wayfarers are often welcome to the Grand Trading Hall of Skull Rock. The bounty in Skull Rock could buy a whole planet!

(This asteroid is found outside the "ring of life" that makes up the solar system; see first link above for system map)

Battles of the Mechacyberoids

Battles of the Mechacyberoids is a setting that I just came up with. Years ago, at the old (now defunct) Goblinoid Games forum, we were fooling around with the character generation system used in Mini-Six during its beta-testing stage. We were making stats for all sorts of characters, established and original. Among them, I managed to make stats for some of the Gen-1 Transformers, namely Optimus Prime, Ratchet, Bumblebee, Megatron and Starscream. One of the key things with this was the use of scale. In the rules, scale determines size and firepower (and the resistance there of). Bumblebee had the smallest scale in any form, while everyone else were huge in size. Although, the rules did not cover scale in chargen, it was a neat gimmick. After that, I have been thinking about a Transformer-inspired that was different enough to be its own thing. Only until now, did it hit me...

This setting is a cross between super sentai fiction (think Voltron and Power Rangers) and cartoons with giant transformable robots (Transformers; Go-Bots), with some magical girl transformations (Cutie Honey; Sailor Moon). I wanted to make a setting about giant transformable robots, but to do so, without being reliant on human sidekicks — such characters, often teenagers, were used as intermediates between the young viewers, and the strange alien robots. I wanted the action to jump between human-scale and mecha/vehicle-scale without having to change characters. One of the key ideas came from Transformers: Headmasters; a strange take on later Gen-1 Transformers, where alien humans had the idea of turning Cybertronian heads into transformable exo-suits, allowing humans to serve as a supporting brain, while leaving the Cybertronian in alt-mode (vehicle mode) when not together. I just dropped the human partner, and made it so that the giant robot can detach its own head in order to transform into an artificial human. "Mechacyberoids" is a working title, but it is based on the long-winded titles found in a lot of old '70s-'80s giant robot anime.

In this setting, some alien cyborg drones called the Mechacyberoids, who in their natural state, resemble giant robotic bugs, found their way on earth in the late '70s to early '80s. They were on a mission by their master, the dreaded Cybergorgon, to secure an artifact (a blue gowning dodecahedron) that is believed to had fell on earth. While there, they discovered a strange form of life that could threaten the mission. Initially, they though the machines and cities were a living hive collective. Without a means to communicate, first contact was not pretty. They damaged cities, killed bystanders and had a deadly conflict with the US military. To understand the treat better, they took on new forms. Initially, they formed into vehicles and moved aimless round cities and highways. On further examination, it was revealed that smaller beings that called themselves "humanity" were in control. From there on, they separated their own heads form their bodies, and human form...

After years of close contact, the Mechacyberoids began to understand humanity better and became enamored with human idols and culture. They exist in two bodies: a human form; and a telepathically-linked vehicle. Their human body is mechanical, covered by life-like holographic skin. They have the ability to pull out weapons and tools from out of nowhere, and to transform into "soldier mode." The transformation is vary much like Cutie Honey, and when done, they are in a cool outfit, covered in armor plating and assessors (HUD-set, hover-feet, jet packs, bunny-ear antenna, utility belt, etc.). Their vehicular body can change into "battle mode", where weapons and other equipment (wings, ram-plates, grapple arms, etc.) fold out of the body. The transformation is vary much like M.A.S.K. When the threat gets too big, they can transform their vehicle bodies into "robot mode", jump onto the torso to transform their human body into the giant robot's head. Their giant robot bodies resemble the classic Transformers. Their giant robot bodies are build and armed for battle. Unlike Transformers, their vehicle forms are not fixed to one type of vehicle, but change their alt-mode takes time to scan and reconfigure. And also unlike Transformers (which never had any concept of scale), they are bound by their default size.

They can also combine freely, creating "Gestalt" (aka Combiner) forms form nearly all combinations of fully-formed giant robot Mechacyberoids. A Gestalt form increases the size and power by the number of Mechacyberoids formed into it. The only problem is that all the joined Mechacyberoids form a telepathic link, and they all need to be unified in thought and action in order to function. Normally, in the past, Mechacyberoid drones could work freely in this mode in great numbers, but the differing identities that came with human contact, had made this a difficult feat. (This is vary much like Fusion in Steven Universe, but more mechanical.)

These earth-bound Mechacyberoids pass off as normal people, living one human lifestyle or another. Although, unable to start families, they do engage in human relationships. They have no sense of gender or sexuality, but they have embraced such concepts and take on these identities as part of their "human role." They have two names: A "human name" that is part of their human identity; and their "true name" that would sound like a strange nickname to most people, but is the name chosen, and used with each other, that reflect their unique identity or dispossession. For example, a transformable dump truck was named Granite, as "he" is a stubborn oaf who throws his weight around, without an ounce of grace. As a human, his false identity is Arnold James Bolton, a construction worker from Mechanicsburg, Ohio. Despite their attempts as being as human as possible, they tend to exaggerate what is expected of them in their human roles based on what they see in media. For example, a Mechacyberoid living as a normal husbands, might emulate a fictional husband from an old TV sitcom (smoking jacket, penny loafers, and all). A Mechacyberoid who wants to "protect and serve" might join a local police department and act out a fictional TV/movie cop (short fuse, over-sized pistol and all), or dress in a loud outfit and fight crime as a costumed vigilantly (cape, tights and all).

As enamored they are with human ways, they all know that if Cybergorgon finds the earth, he will consume it, turn it into a dead planet. He would also see any free-thinking Mechacyberoid as an abomination that would infect other Mechacyberoids with its corruption, and thus destroy any humanoid Mechacyberoids. And if he gets the artifact, he would become an unstoppable force in the cosmoses. As such, there are four factions with the earth-bound Mechacyberoids: The Guardians; The Renegades; The Rogues; and The Loyalists. (all are working titles)

The Guardians were founded by a noble leader who dreams of a future were humans and Mechacyberoids live together in harmony. Their primary goal is to keep the earth a secret form Cybergorgon, and to keep the artifact from him. They also seek to defend the earth, when Cybergorgon's forces come looking for answers.

The Renegades are ruled be a power-hungry despot, who wants to secure the artifact, in order to defeat Cybergorgon and take his place as the master of the galaxy. Followers are drawn be the more proactive defense against Cybergorgon, and are more willing to sacrifice the earth and its people, if need be. They look down at humans for being weak on all levels. As the Guardians and Renegades cannot see eye-to-eye on most things, they are always at conflict with each other.

The Rogues are, for the most part, self-indulgent hedonists. They do want to keep earth a secret, but they do not want to engage in outright rebellion. They would rather lay low and hope Cybergorgon forgets about them. They have no leader or unified ideals. They mostly operate as gangs. They make up the majority of Mechacyberoids on earth.

The Loyalists want to continue the mission and hopes that Cybergorgon would forgive them for the delay. As they are seen as a threat all other factions, they operate in secret, trying to rebuild the communication network damaged by Guardians and Renegades forces. They have no regard for humans. Thankfully, they are few in number.

Cybergorgon resembles a large spaceship with three mechanical dragon heads, each mounted on a long articulated "Doc Ock" styled neck. Without any human contact, he has not concept of empathy or free agency. As he built this Mechacyberoid as semi-autonomous tools, he expect all his drones to serve him, and sacrifice themselves, if need be, without hesitation.

So far, it is a premise with a lot of room to build upon. I have no idea when I'll make a sourcebook for this, and I want to stock it with some key players and items. As this is new, I'm still coming up with new ideas, and even this basic premise would likely face revision.

Reflections of an Old-School Otaku

Anime... A collective of animation that had achieved such mainstream success it is now a catch-all category to anything that even emulates its style, regardless of its origins, even if its its a cheap cash-grab made by people who see the medium as profitable to exploit, without any understanding or respect for what they are emulating.

The mainstream success can largely be contributed to a cartoon lineup called Toonami on Cartoon Network. In 1997, Toonami was an afternoon showcase of western cartoons and some anime thrown in. If you wanted less-edited anime (that was toned down to PG-13 violence, with mild cussing and nothing too risqué), you watch their midnight run. Beyond shows like Gundam Wing and Big-O, one of the most approachable anime aired was Cowboy Bebop. Cowboy Bebop tanked in Japan, but it was a huge success in North America, with it's recognizable archetypes and pop culture references (most episodes were a nod to some American movie, and show titles based on music and album titles). This was when most adult anime fans of today first got their feet wet with the hobby. To an anime historian, Cowboy Bebop is a milestone, with BCB (Before Cowboy Bebop) and ACB (After Cowboy Bebop) used by some of the younger fans. Since then, there have been a number of TV outlets for anime, and even dedicated Netflix-styled subscription-based net-channels like CrunchyRoll.

Before this mainstream success, Japaneses anime had different name — Japanimation — and it was a whole other hobby, with a whole other fan-following. In the years BCB, the hobby was so obscure, mainstream culture had yet to find any real labels or stereotypes placed on the medium or fanship, much less be on their radar, and finding anything or anyone within the hobby was like a grand quest to find The Fabled Legendary Treasure of Epic Legends that would supposedly make you wet yourself over its greatness! Mind you, there was no internet — or what we know as in internet — so we had to brave our greatest enemy: that blinding ball of light that appears in that big blue room the inhabitants call "The Great Outdoors." Braving horrible skin-blisters and possible permanent blindness, we old-school otaku (for a lack of a better name, as we just called ourselves "fans") set forth seeking others like ourselves in darken holes called "Comic Book Shops," and grand pilgrimages to massive gathering halls called "Conventions." There, we meet new people, talk about our interests, and establish networks to help acquire the items we quest for, namely bootlegs. Before the the early-to-mid-'90s, were you could find OVAs (made-for-home-video movies or mini-series) in the "special interest" isles of video rental stores, we had to find and buy them through underground networks of pirated videos.

How this worked, was that sailors who worked in the US Navy and US Coast Guard would be stationed in Japan for a time, were they setup VCRs in their barracks to recorded shows that aired on Japanese television. Thankfully, the Betamax was a highly popular recording system in Japan, as it produce higher quality video than the VHS — unfortunately, that was the standard system in the US. So, when the sailors come home, they sell their tapes to people who would use those tapes as master copes for a massive collection of bootlegs. They would duplicate the shit out of the master copy, and then those copes would be further and further duplicated into granny-as-shit copes. This is a lot like the first "wood-grain box" edition of OD&D, where only one-hundred copes of D&D were published so far, and sold out quickly, so most people had to contend with granny multi-generation Xerox copes of the rules until TSR were able to get more copes to market. They also used video equipment to add translated subtitles (of differing quality) in an old video font that would become harder and harder to read with each new generation. Those bootlegs would then get distributed in conventions, and were sold as "behind the counter merchandise" at comic book shops, where they were not advertised to the general public (they were technically illegal contraband). Although, fans know when a comic book shop sold bootlegs and other anime merchandise (typically toys and model kits), as they would have posters of anime series and characters covering the front widows alongside more iconic scifi characters and comic book superheroes. As a kid, there was no better sight then a storefront with posters and cardboard standies of Captain Harlock, Astroboy and obscure fighting robots standing shoulder-to-shoulder to the likes of Capt. Kirk, Boba Fett, Wolverine, and Superman! (There was also Doctor Who, but I did not know who he was until I was much older.)

In those days, D&D, comic books and Japanimation often gone hand-in-hand. You not just found bootlegs and rare collectibles at comic book shops; people used to hangout in the backroom to play role-playing games. It got nerds out of their dungeons and meet fellow nerds; to play fun games, and watch "cartoons" the FCC and whinny, uptight parent groups would never allow on television. Yeah, one of the big appeals with anime is how ultra violent they can be, and the fact that they casually show T&A in programs targeted at children, but the truth is, you can see all that in R-Rated movies that fulled theaters in the '80s. But where Hollywood spends millions to produce scifi/fantasy spectaculars, animation can produce more of the same results, and have room to explore characters, concepts and settings, while taking greater risks, like mixing genres. For example, Leiji Matsumoto (of Space Battleship Yamato (Starblazers), Captain Harlock, and Galaxy Express 999 fame) likes to take mythologies and fairylands, and craft them into grand space epics with normal Earth-bound vehicles (sailing ships, steam trains, etc.) made into spaceships. While watching the series, you are pulled more and more into his worlds, full of memorable characters. His works are imaginative, beautiful, and make for great settings to role-play in. To me, he was Miyazaki, before Miyazaki.

Well, that was my experience as a kid in the '80s. With a Navel base, a Coast Guard base, lots of comic book shops, conventions that felt like monthly events, and two nerdy parents, there was a lot going on in the San Fransisco bay area for anime fans like myself. In the '90s, there was a growing market of OVAs that was a big thing for me. Yeah, much of the videos were mindless schlock, but I loved them no less. There were some great titles, like Akura, Ghost in the Shell, and Macross Plus. There was a also steady flood of localized anime like Robotech, Technoman Blade, Ronin Warriors, Samuri Pizza Cats (surprising funny, if you're old enough to get the jokes), and Dragonball (DBZ sucked balls, but the original series was great in the same way as the works of Matsumoto, as above). In the mid-or late-'90s, a PBS station in San Jose played uncut anime (subbed and dubbed) like Urusei Yatsura, Evangelion, Key the Metal Idol, alongside great British scifi like Doctor Who, Blake's 7 and Red Dwarf. The level of nerdity was off the charts!! Then there was Toonami in the late '90s that showcased a ton of anime, Anime Unleashed on G4 in '03, were found Last Exile and Serial Experiments Lain, AZN Television/International Channel was were I discovered Armored Trooper Votoms and The Irresponsible Captain Tylor, and now... Well, I dont have cable anymore ($90+/month for fucking basic! Are they out of their fucking minds!?) Now there are all sorts of options. Yeah, I have Netflix and Hulu, but their stocks are limited. I quickly found out that there are quite a number of subscription-free sites were I can see almost any anime I want!

Goddamn, video streaming would have been pure fantasy as a kid! If I had this option as a kid, I would likely missed out on great shows like Pirates of Darkwater, Fox's Peter Pan and the Pirates (that cartoon was strangely dark), Batman the Animated Series (best of the '90s), Animaniacs, Disney Afternoon and so on, as I would be too caught-up with all the edgy Japanese stuff, while dismissing the aforementioned stuff as safe, happy "cartoons." Don't get me wrong, as a kid, I loved all kind of animation, but back then, Japanimation used to be a bitch find, so you appreciated whatever you could get your hands on, regardless if its good or not. They were was so culturally obscure, it made you feel special, and with the adult content; a little rebellious. Because of all that, it felt like all anime was superior. And with that mentality, I had an elitist attitude about it, which I grew out of as I matured, as I learned that many titles I mindlessly advocated were just plain shit, while I have been too dismissive with western titles for their lack of mature content. Plus, I learned that "mature content" does not always mean it actually "mature." For example, as a kid, I was annoyed to learn that Voltron was heavily edited form the original series do to heavy violence. I was annoyed by how grown-ups changed a good show to make it more "kid friendly," despite seeing violence all the time in movies. But getting the chance to see the original GoLion series (the original title) as an adult, I was annoyed by how overly violent the show was. Basically, it was going form one extreme to another. The level of violence and brutality on display undermined all the drama, tragedy and pathos the characters are going through, and the bad guys are even more cartoonishly evil then its western counterpart! Had they tone down the violence to PG-13 levels and rewrote Prince Sincline/Lotor as a more sympathetic and misguided character, then Voltron could have been a more superior program to GoLion as far as storytelling and character depth. If they are going to make changes for the sake of a western audience, then do it right!

Nowadays, I have the luxury to be choosy with what anime I want to be invested in, to were I can better avoid dead end shit like Bleach and Inuyasha. There is such a glut of titles available to me, I can't sort though them all! I really want to find great titles, but most of them have the mentality of people who never grew past high-school — nothing but angsty-ass teens and overly-sexualized junior high-age girls! Plus, they also have to compete with some great western shows I have been caught-up with. The current is Steven Universe, which is a surprisingly deep and brilliant show, with a lot of pathos, that takes me back to why I really love shows Captain Harlock and Dragonball so much. And, if I want a truly weird and obscure collective of animation make me feel cool and special, I'll go headlong into European animation... hum...? Euro-may?

Western cartoons... Japaneses/Koren anime... European animation... Its all good!

Gamma World and Mad Max Don't Mix

One odd issue I have with how people (mostly artists) try to portray Gamma World, and by extension Mutant Future, is how people try to make it look and feel like a Mad Max movie. Now don't get me wrong, I like the '80s-glam, Mad Max-inspired style of post-apocalypses movies (including all the clones that came of it), but to me it is a poor fit. That is, what you look past all leather-clad bikers and over use of hairspray, it is largely a serious, hard-edge genre that relies on there being an apocalypses sometime in the near future. The ecosystems have collapsed to nuclear fallout, once civilized people look like malnourished people from a hard-hit Third World country, animals are so scarce, people are having to eat diseased rats, and it uses a lot of modern technology — especially guns and heavily modified “Road Warrior” cars. Given the desperate, hard-edge nature of this genre, I tend to call it “Rat-Eater” fiction. I even call the future scenes from The Terminator movies “Rat-Eater” segments.

Now, Gamma World has always been called out for being silly and goofy, but most people do not understand the nature of the setting. Gamma World was the product of the era of Silver Age of Comic Books (1950s-'70s). For those that don't know, the Silver Age of Comics was an era of dramatic super-science, strange scenarios, weird worlds, and lots of campy elements. To think of how this relates to Gamma World, imagine if the first edition was illustrated by Jack Kirby. Let that sink in for a second... This is the guy who took the basic outline of Planet of the Apes and turned it into Kamandi: The Last Boy on Earth, and turned the comic book adaptation of 2001: A Space Odyssey into a crazy-ass acid trip... More so then the end of movie. Gamma World takes place after the people of a Jetson-styled future blew themselves up. The aftermath was a world where green-glowing radiation gave people and wildlife comic book-like mutations. Imagine a world with anthropomorphic animals, plant-men, mobile sentient plants, three-tittied bimbos, people that would make the X-Men look quaint... All in a world littered with the ruins of a once super-technological civilization, engulfed by the growth of ever mutating ecosystems!

Why settle for just three? ;p

So yeah, they both have their cool aspects, but in the end, one is oil, and the other is... Well...? The Colour Out of Space. You can put some aspects of Gamma World into Rat-Eater, but it would loose its gritty, hard-edge feel. You can put some aspects of Rat-Eater into Gamma World, but they would quickly get overtaken by everything else. I mean, you could add leather-clad bikes with modern gear, but they would not stand a chance against all the mutants and tech-users that haunt such strange world such as Gamma World. On top of that, the Rat-Eater elements would just be seen as another odd element. That is, the leather-clad bikers would use high-tech gear (hover-bikes and blasters) and have leather-clad three-tittied bimbos with them. In other words, mothafuckin' Lobo!

Yeah, like that, but with the chick form the above pic.

Is Fantasy Heartbreakers a Form of Art?

I have given much thought about the the old-school movement and all the retro-clones, and near-retros, and such out there. Not just D&D-clones, but also games like Mazes & Minotaurs and Encounter Critical. M&M and EC are both examples of making a modern game that feels vintage and even makes-up a tongue-in-cheek backstory about their creation. The stories are fictional, but in the case of M&M, it was a good parody of real life events.

I see the necessity of games like Labyrinth Lord (Basic and Expert D&D) and OSRIC (1st ed AD&D) to keep the older, unsupported rules in-print. They are doing well because there is a demand for them, as a lot of older gamers are coming back to the hobby (or they what to introduce them to their kids), but they need replacement books, and there is an interest with younger players who have become disenfranchised with the newer D&D or just what to discover the game's roots. On the other hand, a game like Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Fantasy Role-playing Game: The Grindhouse Edition (damn that is a long-ass title) is basically the older D&D rules - a mix of original, with basic & expert - with a good amount of useful house rules, and artwork tailored to the creator's personal aesthetics. This was not made to appeal to the general gaming market, or to tell people what D&D *should* be, but it was the expression of one man who made a rulebook uniquely his. Folks might write it off as a typical "fantasy heartbreaker" (a published indi-RPG that is based off D&D, that tries to compete with it), but to me it is a work of art.

The D&D rules are universally understood by most gamers, and with the malleable nature of RPG rules, plus the unusual legality that liberates them from copyright regulations (with the OGL as a great redundancy), it is only natural that fantasy heartbreakers become an art medium into itself. I already see RPGs in general as an art medium. Its like poetry, in which you have metrical composition (the rules), themes (the setting or genre), meaning (the scenario), euphemism (mata-stuff), and expression (the adventure). In this case, a fantasy heartbreaker expresses itself through house rules, supplemental material (new classes, spells, monsters, etc.) and artwork. To me, what makes a fantasy heartbreaker work is not just throwing is some house rules and ripped art into a carbon copy of the core rules, but to craft something that is meaningful and feels unique.

Warlords of the Galaxy

I have been trying to come up with a multi-world setting that mixes epic fantasy and science fantasy, and styled like an 80s cartoon (He-Man, Thunder Cats, Heavy Metal, est.), but a little more mature.

In this universe, a great galaxy empire fell, and world, after world is falling to the rule of evil warlords and sorcerer kings. Most of the worlds have fallen to barbarism, and its up to the PCs to stage rebellions, plunder ruins, conquer worlds, and so on. Most of these worlds are as small as moons, but they have earth-like environments (gravity, air-pressure, wildlife, est.). Like Star Wars, it would not be unusual to one or two climates or terrain types. Travel between these worlds are possible through large stargates, built before the fall of the empire. These gates are usually found in cities, and are built, so that airships can move through them. I'm still working on a core setting, as a springboard for further sandbox adventures.

As barbaric as this setting is, there are some fantastic pieces of technology still in use. Many of which are styled on A Princess of Mars, with airships, blasters, est. In fact, most of warriors look like the figures from a Boris Vallejo/Frank Frazetta cover - meaty guys with fur/leather loincloths and chainmail bikini-clad amazons, with leather straps around their naked torsos. The keystone of this setting - and as an excuse to show a lot of flesh - are battle harnesses with built-in force field generators (as pictured on the side). They work like the Holtzman generators from the Dune saga, in that they can deflect range attacks, while melee weapons can slip through but without the whole nuclear blast, from hitting it with a laser. You can carry conventional body armor, but if you keep the generator on to long, you will overheat quickly, as the barrier tends to trap in body heat if bundled up. I can list paragraphs of how this magical piece of Applied Phlebotinum works, but this is not a "hard sci-fi," and this is the best excuse to show near-naked warriors in a gun-toting science fantasy I have ever seen, so I'm not going even bother! Just enjoy the parental this setting has at making sexy pinup art, without if feeling like token glamor art! =D

Another problem, it to what system to use. I'm split between Barbarians of Lemuria and Mini-Six. I might use both. Like like both systems, and they both have their good points. I will post updates, as soon as I come up with more ideas. (WOW, this might have regular updates! Hell is going to freeze-over in a hand basket! ;P)

Political Wrongness

I have gone on the record by saying the the "4e" game is not D&D, but in a way it is D&D. By "D&D", I don't mean this, but I mean this! You see, back in the 2nd years, T$R was so concerned about the opinions of whores, pinkos, and dogs, they make their line dry and soulless do to strict content control. They even had the nerve to tell players how play their own games with an online document over content control. Folks might say that it was only suggestions for DMs, but folks forget that T$R took to the internet with extreme control and prejudice!

Now, how is WotC like T$R? Simple, part 6 of the Game System License:

Quality and Content Standards: The nature and quality of all Licensed Products will conform to the quality standards set by Wizards, as may be provided from time to time. At a minimum, the Licensed Products will conform to community standards of decency and appropriateness as determined by Wizards in its discretion. Without limiting the foregoing, no Licensed Products will depict in any text, graphical or other manner:
(a) excessively graphic violence or gore;
(b) sexual situations, sexual abuse, pornography, gratuitous nudity of human or humanoid forms, genitalia, or sexual activity; or
(c) existing real-world minorities, nationalities, social castes, religious groups or practices, political preferences, genders, lifestyle preferences, or people with disabilities, as a group inferior to any other group or in a way that promotes disrespect for those groups or practices, or that endorses those groups or practices over another.

On other words, if you what to make a third source book using the 4e rules, then you'll be working with a short leash, because if it seems right for the Hyborian Age (or even the goddamn Bible for that matter. Read it - it has all the sex and violence most "right-mind" Christians scorn when used in other works), then you cant put it into your 4e splatbook! The first two are obvious (and the fan parts), but the last one is the most restrictive, as you cant even put in the normal tropes found in pulp fiction: African bushmen, savage Indians, "yellow peals", Nazis, mongoloids, Bible-thumpers, or any sort of slave or slave-owning people! Hell, you can't even portray bigots, feminists or homosexuals! OK, so no blood-porn and kinky eye-candy art, and no negative portrayals of anyone - w00t, sounds like fun...

FUCK THAT SHIT!!! I am sick of candy-ass settings as much as I hate gratuitous magic-heavy worlds! You might be thinking, how is it good to produce a setting like F.A.T.A.L. that encourages immorality, promiscuity, wanton violence, bigotry, slavery, and negative cultural stereotypes? But the answer is simple: that is D&D at its core!!! Its a game about murderous hobos who brake into the homes of one-sided degenerate folk, so they can butcher them - even their babies - and steal their shit, so they can spend it all on booze, bitches, and magical bling-bling. When you try to downplay these facts, it becomes an awful mess like Conan the Destroyer when it downplayed all the gratuitous aspects that is intrinsic to its own genre. I don't mind the new games being cartoon versions of themselves, but why the hell should they push their diluted world views on independent publishers who what to make a unique and interesting setting under their fancy-ass system? It may seem odd to some that these things are important, or just selfish ideas, but some of the most rich and unique settings in RPG history would have never been able to be published under 2nd edition, or 4e rules. Not just the Hyborian Age, but also Tékumel, Carcosa, and a few others (far too few, in my opinion). Darksun for example, is a world that should never be bound by political correctness, as its a dark world, with morality as broken as their shattered world. For those who believe settings should be child-friendly fairs for their own sake, can all go to Hell!!!

In my games, slavery is not avoided, nor demonized - its just a way of life.

By the way, the old-school RPG blogosphere has been debating the subject of nudity and female portrayals in RPG art. I find this to be a really good thing, as this don't come up much beyond the insipid rambling from the "Pussy Parlor" on the WotC forums, and its good to see people go beyond the "naked slave-girls and chainmail-bikini clad warrior-women are sexiest and stupid" attitude and judge the taste and significances of such art on their own merits. On that note, I would like to take my hat off to Otherworld Miniatures for not just making good minis that look like they have been ripped right out of the old Monster Manual book, but for having the balls to show male genitalia on their miniatures. Don't get me wrong, I don't have an obsession with male genitalia - or monsterus ones for that matter - but its go to see someone present them in a mature and non-obscene way.

Technically, this is "National Geographic nudity".

Purist vs Workable Conversions

Being a child of the 80's, I can tell you that cartoons make for some great sources of inspiration for role-playing games. Such shows are full of strange characters, weird worlds, high adventures, and it don't delude itself with a lot of realism or continuity (not to mention all the cool toy tie-ins). Although when converting these shows to an RPG, the unusual nature of these cartoons tend to be a hurtle with most players who opt to run it a pure way. This is because most role-players are grown people with mature notions, while cartoons are really awesome concepts that have been dumb-down to make them "kid-friendly" (well, more like "media-watchdog group friendly"). As a result, fights are nerfed with stun-weapons and robotic henchmen, characters and plots are dumb-down, and morality plays are forced into place. When video games - especially the older ones - are converted this way, items and monsters tend to act in the same way as they do on-screen, and for it, it all comes out all really goofy. That is, all bows magically eat money in Hyrule, and Moblins wander around until they see someone to throw a spear at, then wander off.

Consider He-Man. The concept for this is a Conan-like sword & sorcery with a lot of science fantasy elements, in a post-apocalyptic setting no less! Basically, the world of Eternia was torn by a long, protracted war that left behind a lot of strange magical and scientific relics from a bygone era. He-Man was a barbarian from the frozen north (sound familiar?) who received a number of powerful artifacts from a Sorceress after he saved her life. Skeletor was a powerful warlord-sorcerer from another dimension, who was trying to unlock the secrets of Grayskull, so he could continue to takeover one world after another. When it became a cartoon, He-Man became a soft-spoken superman, who has the alter-ego that plays-out like a gay pool boy. Filmation was notorious for bland character interaction, and deluding their programs with blunt morality plays, politically correct messages, and sappy PSAs (or creepy if you remember He-Man & She-ra talking about "getting touched in that special place"). In all the politically correct action, all the Sword & Sorcery elements got lost. The 2002 reboot did much to redeem the older show, but there is something nice about the untouched sandbox that was the original mini-comics.

When making such a fiction into a tabletop game, the Purist Method would to keep the sappy elements of its own sake, while a Working Model would retool the fiction like the '02 reboot did in order to make it more palatable for a more mature audience. On the other hand, I notice Grognards like to take the the original (forgotten) premise of something, ignore everything that came after, and making something unique and interesting from it. For example, I have seen a debate at an old-school D&D forum about how awesome Battlestar Galactica could have been if they had stuck with the original concept art that made it look more like a sword & sorcery version of Star Wars. I call this Retroactive Foundation-Work, and I consider this a lot more creative then copying a fiction verbatim. With He-Man, it would be like making something unique out of the old mini-comics.

I have seen folks make source materials for cartoons (comicbooks, videogames, and such), but they usually go with the Purist Method with little regard to making a good Working Model. To me, a good cartoon (or equivalent) sourcebook looks at a show for what it has, then consider how it would have been without a bunch of meddling executives and broadcast standards breathing down the necks of the writers and producers, and to present the ideas of these changes on sidebars if they seem relevant. So if you like a show and you what to make game materials for it then by all means, do it! Don't be afraid to make the good guys less goody-two-shoe (or a little more anti-heroic), the bad guys smarter or less monolithic, the action more raw & bloody, add more sensuality (you need not to make things perverted to do so), the world less forgiving, and so on, so the setting can be more palatable to fellow gamers of reasonable maturity.

Comicbooks + Heavy Metal = Epic Win!

I recently discovered a heavy metal band called Bal-Sagoth, that based their songs off the yarns of Robert E. Howard, H.P. Lovecraft, and others. Being a Conan fan, I wanted to get strait to the Hyborian Metal, but I get sidetracked. While searching I discovered something quite unique. They made a song about a Silver Surfer story by Jack Kerby, where Silver Surfer has to deal with the Fourth Celestial Host (basically, space gods with the power to kick Galactus' ass!). I'm not a big fan of superhero comics beyond the 70's and 80's X-Men, and the song has a lot of narrative, but their is something epic about the song! Maybe its the way Silver Surfer is up against the all-powerful Celestials. Maybe is the way the lyrics ties in with the comicbook mythology. Maybe its the way it mashes with Jack Kerby's art. Well see it for yourself:



I cant really put thoughts to words, but this somehow inspires me!

Player vs Magic Items

I'm not a big fan of all the superfluous amounts of magical devices in D&D. The +1 Sword - or +2 Backscratcher, as I call it - is just pathetic! I like magic items to be strange and unique. When I dish out a magic item (once in a blue moon), I like it to have a mind of its own, and I like to trip up the player. The problem with this is, that its too many magic items is too much work for the DM, as it another NPC to focus on. But I found a simple answer: make it a PC item!

How this works, is that when the player finds a magically enchanted item - of any sort - roll it up as an Intelligent Sword (added tables would be needed for less sword specific items). At first, the DM would control the item until the nature of the item becomes known ). Once its magical nature becomes known, handout an index card with the item's general information to a player who is not the items holder - ideally, to a player that controls a PC that can not use such an item, in case the item needs to change hands. The card not just notes the stats and powers, it also notes the general goal and personality of the item. So you could have a Fighter who is played like a jock, who also wields a obnoxious and perverted sword that is controlled by a girl that is playing a goody-two-shoes Half-elven Cleric. If I put the Fighter player under control of his own sword, then he would play the sword the the Fighter's benefit, he would have too much meta-knowledge of the sword's secret powers, and the Sword's personality would not be as apparent. But by putting the sword under the control of the other player, the sword has more personal attention then as a NPC, and the interaction of both players could be vary interesting - considering the unusual relationship between an intelligent item and the one carrying it.

Now, how do you get that player - the one that likes to play the goody-two-shoes types - to play as a total bastard? Simple: XP bonuses! I dont give out XP for killing critters; I give XP for how the players deal with situations. They dont get XP for each gold they find; they get XP for pissing the gold away - after all, what the point of getting more treasure if you are just going to save it? Most of all, I reward good role-playing and clever thinking. A magic item has no need for XP - as they cant gain level - but the PC could use it. Yes, the PC is getting supplemental XP from an item that it not used by the PC, but players are universally greedy, and they would milk the item with all sorts of conflicts and "Spock vs McCoy" melodrama!

Well, that how I roll! I might not make critical hits, but I still roll well!